Addiction Mania

What? Wasted time?
Where? When? How?

That is me asking!

Oh, there are many times we indulge ourselves in well-deserved breaks or activities. And I don't have anything against that. It is but right! Who would not want a break? Who would not want to do something he loves and something that makes him happy? I bet no one!

So what am I talking about now? Please read on and see.

My sharing is very personal and I am speaking (writing) only from experience. My experience.

I am a mom of two now and I can honestly say that I love my kids, my husband, my family. No doubt about it.

I was born and raised in the province. I do not regret that nor do I have anything against it. Besides, that is a given. There is nothing I can do about it. Right? (I can hear answers of yes and imagining some nodding from you there). I was practically home-school-home school person and if there was anywhere else I went to, that would be the church where my family would hear mass from and the "palengke" or local wet market. There were very few instances that I did went elsewhere, like a classmate's house for a short visit with other classmates or a place for practice since I was part of a choir. I went to the cinema with my parents to watch a Philippine-made movie and that was it. My next movie experience is already in college.

Come college, I went to the city (but not Manila) and there I studied. I still am that home-school person in college. So when I came to Manila to work, it was so much fun! Fun in the sense that there are so many malls, so many nice things compared to the province, the hustle and bustle of everyday though I must say I had my fair share of the "hardship" of living here such as the traffic, noise and pollution.

My single life revolved around work, community and self. I had no relationship for a long time and so time and resources were all practically just for me.

Since my parents do not oblige me to give to them regularly from my salary, I lived my life as if it was all there to do just what you want. When I say, just what you want, I meant just living it as how you please. I was a good girl still, had no vices and I was also actively involved in a community. My only addiction then was mall-hopping. I worked in Taguig then and would go home to Makati and my stopover for the next ride's terminal is at the heart of Makati. I was happy. I'd go from one mall to the other in oftentimes this way:

1) Greenbelt
2) Landmark
3) Glorietta
4) SM

I'd go home at about 9pm since I've made my rounds to these malls and I did this practically everyday. Fun? you bet so! There were days I will not do this, days when there are community meetings, etc.

Problem is, I had this for a long time. Everytime I would change jobs, I live and work close to malls. Wasn't my choosing, but so happens that all the jobs I had were all near malls even outside Manila after my first jobs here. So I do the same thing, go out then go malling. When I had my first child, I was so sad and depressed and helpless. I could not stay home, so I brought my child out at 5 days old. We went to the mall and it came a habit for me to bring him out. I had the feeling my in-laws were all finding me quite irresponsible doing such a thing, but I just shrugged it off because I had to do it to be happy.

I did not know it was a problem until I heard a talk by Bo Sanchez on How to Get Rid of Bad Habits: As an excerpt:

At the bottom of all addictions is this statement: “I don’t love myself.”

At the core of an addict’s heart is an empty Love Tank.

Every addiction is a hunger for love.

He doesn’t like himself.

He doesn’t value himself.

He doesn’t love himself.

That is why I believe that only love can heal an addiction.


I heard it, and kind of thought, I must be feeling unloved or less loved so I result to shopping. I was not really that shopping addict at first, I was just window shopping. The addiction, though, was the need to do window shopping, as if it's a must. But later, I started buying and buying and buying that everytime I go home, I have something bought from somewhere. 


When I had my family and we're already in Manila, I still had the habit/addiction. I would be off at 4pm and would need to pass by a mall (again) in order to get my ride which had a terminal there. Upon entering, I would say, "oh, I'll check this or that" and would go round and round and round. The argument or awakening came when my husband who works farther away would be home earlier than me and would call me on my cellphone asking where I am. Then at that time will I only realize that I've been at the mall for several hours already. 3-4 hours to be exact. I'd apologize then hurrily try to find my way to the terminal (which I should have done hours ago). At first, it was easy to say sorry. But the frequency was high that finally, I had to hear the sad and painful truth that I have been neglecting my children.


Addiction of going to the mall and spending hours there for no reason was such a waste of time for me. I wasted hours I should have spent with my children or something more worthwhile but of course, that's over. The most important thing, I believe is recognizing it and doing something about it.


I am blessed to be told kindly by my husband and I guess that helped a lot. My siblings knew it so well that I do have this addiction for the mall and have noticed that all my work are all near the mall. Finally, when we came to rock bottom (adapted from Bo Sanchez), I found a reason to stop doing what I'm doing. Then I found several things to take care of  to earn income, I lost time to have wasted time shopping for non-essentials.


I haven't read Bo Sanchez' book "Your past does not define your future" but I highly recommend it. I heard from others that it is good for those who have hang-overs of some things in the past. I have my own source of feeling less loved but that is going to be another post, I believe.


How about you, any addiction? Good for you if none!


For those with one or so, look within and find out why. Ask yourself, what is my need? We replace our need for something and oftentimes by replacing it, we become worse, not better. Just ask and look and take it from there. Be praying for you. God bless you!